happiness.

A few months ago, I had a weird revelation. I was feeling happier and freer than I had ever been. I felt like I’d worked through my immediate and pressing insecurities and just felt pretty content with where I was at. And then I felt two things. I wondered “what now?” and felt a little guilty. Was I doing something wrong with Jesus that I just genuinely felt like I was in a good place?

Was I doing something wrong with Jesus that I just genuinely felt like I was in a good place?

I’d spent the majority of my life being upset about something. For so long my mind was in a state of turmoil and insecurity that I just sort of got used to. Out of that, this idea of being happy was an idol to me. Part of my reasoning for needing God was that I wasn’t happy, and I was convinced he could get me there. So then I got there. Did that mean I no longer needed God?

Part of my reasoning for needing God was that I wasn’t happy, and I was convinced he could get me there.

I still felt in awe of Jesus for what he had done. I was still aware I needed him every day. But I didn’t feel that same desperation to be on my face crying before God. And that left me feeling guilty.

I remember growing up in the church and feeling that message pushed. We spend so much time focusing on the hard parts of life and how God meets us there, that we forget to also mention the beautiful parts of life and how present he still is. Like when we have a day adventuring, surrounded by the people we love, driving with the windows down listening to a powerful song, falling in love, or growing in all the ways we’ve always wanted to. Jesus is in all of those things too, not just our sadness.

We spend so much time focusing on the hard parts of life and how God meets us there, that we forget to also mention the beautiful parts of life and how present he still is.

I also remember hearing phrases like “if you’re not getting attacked then you’re not doing enough”, meaning that the devil will always want to spiritually or circumstantially attack us if we’re being powerful vessels for God, therefore if we’re happy and content in a season of life we must be doing something wrong. This also aided in the feeling that I must be doing something wrong if I felt happy, but then I wondered if this is just what freedom looks like?

In that, I had to examine what my goals were. If happiness and living a good life is the goal then we’re making it religion, but if Jesus is the goal then we can be close with him in the good times and in the bad. If we feel like we no longer need God when things are going good then we have made him into a tool from which to get things from and not a savior who we owe our whole lives to.

If we feel like we no longer need God when things are going good then we have made him into a tool from which to get things from and not a savior who we owe our whole lives to.

We don’t have to find reasons to be in turmoil so we can feel close to God because that’s not the only way he works. He moves in the laughter, the hikes, the trips to the ocean, and everything else. He moves in all of it. So in the good times or bad, he is living, he is active, and he is present. When we're happy it's still inevitable that hard times will come, but you're not doing something wrong because you are feeling content. Christ is faithful when everything is going well and when nothing seems to make any sense. I still believe there is much more freedom and peace that Christ offers than we choose to live in.

So choose it today.